The Power Of Positive!

Defeating Depression Part 3 - Taking Action

2009-11-08T20:10:00.000-08:00

Imagine you are sitting alone, in a dark room. You don’t know how you got there, and you don’t know how to get out. You feel afraid, and you don’t know what to do to get out. So you start thinking about what you should do. Perhaps there is a door, but there is no light so you can’t see it, if indeed there is. Perhaps there is a light, but you are sitting on the ground and will not find it until you get up and go look for it.

This is how depression works. You can feel alone, afraid, and not knowing what to do. With a mind shift, you can start to think about ways to get out of your current situation. However, until you actually put those thoughts into action, you will never get up off the floor to turn on the light, and actually find the door that leads you out of the room.

Unless you take action to fulfill your desires, they will be nothing more than dreams. They may well be great dreams, but you can only remain in a dreaming state for so long, before you are going to have to face your reality. The only way to face reality and gain new experiences is to act upon all of the positive thinking you have done.

Sometimes taking action can scary. There are no guarantees of success. Be that as it may, what you will gain from every single action is a result. You can then measure your results according to your goals and values. If you are unhappy with the results, you now have more information about the action you will need to move forward. That information is valuable, and thus, you can never actually fail from taking action.

Taking action is what separates dreamers from achievers. It is the results of your action that will produce your future thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Without this action you can never move forward, as all of your results from the past have only led you to this point. It is imperative to understand this concept, if you are ever to truly step out of the darkness of depression.

You have already learned in Part 2 of Defeating Depression, to look for the positives in every perceived negative situation. It is with this mindset that you should stride confidently into each new action that will bring you closer to your goals. Your actions, if they are in synch with your values, will ensure that you are doing what is important to you.

Action also includes physical exercise. For those who suffer from depression, this is very important as exercise increases energy levels, and self-confidence. If you have ever been depressed, or know of someone who has been depressed, you will know that energy levels and self-confidence are important obstacles that need to be addressed. Regular exercise will go a long way in helping those who suffer from depression to get up, get out, and live!

I am not suggesting that you need to become a body builder, or train to run marathons. I’m simply suggesting that you make some form of physical exercise a part of your daily routine. Walking, swimming, and even stretching can be easy forms of exercise. Some days you may feel like doing more than others, and that is ok. Just try to do a little each day.

In fact, exercise can bring very rapid results for helping depression. Usually you will feel much better immediately after exercise. What’s more is that the results can last for hours.

Is it not fair to say that if you can feel good for a few more hours each day that your life would be much better? Of course! Try it for yourself. Go for a walk, a run, or even do just twenty minutes of stretching and notice how you feel right after. The results will give you something to think about if you are not already including daily exercise in your life.

The important thing to remember is that every action you take will produce a result. Those results are going to give you the information you need to continue to move forward in the direction you want to go.

Wayne Gretzky scored more points than any hockey player in history. He once said that he realized early in life, that he did not score on 100% of the shots he didn’t take. Just as you will not achieve your goals or have the life you want, if you never take a shot by putting your thoughts into action!

Defeating Depression Part 2 - Positive Thinking

2009-09-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

In Defeating Depression Part 1, I talked about the importance of choosing to tackle this problem drug free. By having a clear and conscious mind, you allow yourself to remain in control of your thoughts, and your choices. It is your thoughts, and the choices of what you think about, where you must now focus your energy.

Depression is a mental health issue. While at different stages of depression you may well feel physical effects, it is at the thought level and the subsequent feelings created by those thoughts where the physical symptoms were created. If your thoughts are of despair and hopelessness, you are certainly going to remain in a depressed state of mind. In order to defeat depression, you are absolutely going to have to change the way you think.

In preparing for this article, I thought about what I had done to change my thinking. As I went through my process, I realized that I had used 5 personal development techniques to help me. In my opinion, if you use these 5 methods you will be well on your way to having defeated depression.

Positive and Negative List:

A positive and negative list is simply that. A list of everything that you feel is positive or negative in your life, right now. Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle of the page, and make one side for the positives and one side for the negatives.

When someone is depressed it can often be difficult to see the positives. However, if you take the time to really think about it, you always have positives in your life. It could be as simple as the fact that you woke up today and were alive, or perhaps that you have a roof over your head. Do not take for granted the positives you do have in your life, you have many more than you may be aware of, while in a depressed state of mind.

Now you can make your negative list. This is the time to let it all out. Put down everything that you perceive as negative in your life. This list is going to be just as important as your positive list, so make sure you list everything. Remember nobody has to ever to read your list.

Once you have your lists completed, take a moment to reflect on what you have put down. If there is anything you feel is missing, go ahead and add it now. Perhaps you feel there is something you want to take off of your lists, and that’s ok too. This is your list, so make sure it’s a representation of how you truly feel.

Now that you have your two lists, you can tear the piece of paper in half. You will now use each side for different purposes. Start with your list of positives and make note of all the positive people you have in your life. It may only be one, but that’s ok. What’s important is that you recognize that they are a positive part of your life. Those are the people you are going to want to surround yourself with, especially in the early stages of defeating depression.

Also take a moment as you look over your list of positives, and really feel thankful for having those things. Gratitude is a positive feeling, and you should make as much time as you can each day to feel thankful for the positives in your life. This is one simple step to help focus your mind on positives.

Now it’s time to look over your list of negatives. Are there people on your list? If so, it’s time to take a stand for yourself. Unless you feel you can change your relationship (and by all means you should try where possible) with these people, it is time to let them go. They may have been an important part of your life at one time, and it may not be easy. However, in order to move forward you need to let go of the past.

For every single negative on your list, try to come up with a positive that could come from that perceived negative. Perhaps you have lost your job you had for the past 10 years. You don’t really know how to do anything else and this can feel like a horrible situation, especially when there are bills to pay.

What could possibly be positive about that situation? Well for starters, you may have been unhappy with your job. You could have been working that job simply to pay the bills, without getting any real satisfaction from the work you were doing. Now that you have lost your job, you have the time to look for more satisfying work, or perhaps go back to school.

That job is done, and therefore so is that part of your life. You can only control how you choose to see things from this point forward. Why not look at your situation from the most positive perspective possible and work towards a better future?

When I wrote my first positive and negative list, I was sitting in a jail cell. Obviously one of the negatives on my list was the fact I was imprisoned. What I did was to change the way I perceived my situation. I was in jail, but I was no longer on the street doing drugs. I now had a chance to get healthy. I was in jail, but I could use all that boring time alone to wallow in self-pity, or to make plans for a better future. I chose to make plans for a better future.

You too, have the ability to choose how you perceive every negative on your list. There is a positive to be found from every perceived negative. Every negative can be seen as a challenge, and an opportunity for growth. So find the positives in your list of negatives, and what you will be left with, is a new way of looking at the challenges you face, and of course, two lists of positives.

Identify Replacement Thoughts:

Sometimes depression causes what seems to be an endless stream of negative thoughts. These thoughts can cycle over and over in your mind and leave you feeling tortured. Often you will experience sleepless nights, and difficulty focusing when you really need to. One technique that I used to combat this problem was to identify replacement thoughts.

Replacement thoughts are simply positive thoughts that make you feel good. The idea here is to have these replacement thoughts planned ahead of time, so that you can summon them when your mind is under attack from negative thoughts. By replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones, you will train your mind to focus on the positives.

This is a simple technique to set up, however depending on the severity of your depression; it can be very difficult to do. Be aware that in the beginning when you intentionally try to shift your thoughts, your mind will wander back to it’s old thinking pattern and bring more negative thoughts. Replacing your thoughts can be very frustrating and tough to master.

When I initially began using this technique, I was only getting 2 hours of sleep at night. I simply could not shut off the negative thoughts. I prepared a list of replacement thoughts, and started using the technique so I could get some peace at night. What I found was at first I had a battle going on inside my head. While I attempted to implement a new thinking pattern, the old pattern resisted.

It took me an entire week of using this technique before I was finally able to increase my sleep time to 4 hours a night. Eventually though, with persistence and determination I was able to shift my thought patterns. There were times when I let my mind wander that the old negative thoughts would creep back in, however I was able to overcome them much easier.

I encourage you to identify very meaningful positive thoughts that you can use to replace your negative thoughts. Also, when a negative thought does come, try practicing what you did with your positive and negative list. Find a way to see a positive in the negative thought. In time if you practice this technique, you will prevail.

Identify Your Values:

Simply stated, your values are what are important to you. These are the things you need in your life for you to be happy. Your values are personal, because they are what are special and meaningful to you! Values can be anything from love and peace, to wealth and success.

By identifying your values, you can focus on those things that are important to you. If you are living in accordance with what is important to you, you will feel happy. To not live in accordance with your values is stressful, because you are literally living in conflict.

Many times when I talk to people who are feeling depressed, they tell me they don’t know why they feel that way. They simply know they do not feel good about life or themselves. The first thing that comes to mind in these situations are that people are not living in accordance with their own values. Perhaps they have never identified their own values.

There were times in my life when I did not know why I felt so miserable about life. Looking back at those times, I can see that I was living a life that went against everything that was important to me. This explained why I did not like myself, or who I had become. During those times I was completely oblivious to the fact that I was not living in accordance with my values.

As an example health is a very important value to me. However, in almost every case of depression in my life, I was using drugs, drinking alcohol, or both. To someone who values their health, it is difficult to feel good about life, if you are abusing yourself with the use of drugs and alcohol.

The goal is to identify what your values are, and then make sure you are living a life that is in accordance with those values. This will go a long way in ensuring your own personal happiness. I’m including a list of values to get you started thinking.

Love
Confidence
Empathy
Communication
Success
Abundance
Honesty
Liberty
Growth
Happiness
Honor
Humor
Challenge
Bravery
Health
Ambition
Motivation
Peace
Respect
Passion
Sensitivity
Perseverance
Patience

Set Goals:

Goals are the things you want to achieve, or experience in your life. Your goals give you the drive to move forward in life. By setting and accomplishing your goals, you grow and gain a sense of confidence. Identifying and working towards your goals gives your mind a positive focus.

Goals and values work best together. In my article The Values Of Goals, I talk about how a goal should have a value behind it. A goal without a value is simply an empty goal, which will be difficult to obtain. So make sure that when you are setting goals for yourself, you find out what perceived value you are getting from achieving that goal.

Many people, who suffer from depression, also suffer from a lack of direction in their life. They may feel stuck or hopeless in their current state. Your goals are your dreams in action. Surely chasing your dreams is a great direction for your life to take. In fact, what could possibly be better?

There are many great ideas to help you set goals. The one idea I want to focus on for the purpose of defeating depression is to make easy to achieve goals. By keeping your goals simple and easily achievable you allow yourself to gain confidence. It’s important that you celebrate all of your victories, as this will help develop a positive outlook.

It is ok to make long-term goals. However, when you do make sure you set mini goals as steps along the way. In this way you are allowing yourself to be continually successful. If you simply set a long-term goal, it can sometimes be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you can become discouraged. In order to avoid that keep one important factor in mind, it is the journey that is to be enjoyed, not the destination. Once you do achieve a goal, you will continue to set new ones, so enjoy the process.

Affirmations:

Affirmations are a creative way of asserting something is true in our conscious mind. The goal is to repeat the affirmation so that it impresses upon your subconscious mind and changes your thought patterns. One analogy I like to use is that of a garden. See your subconscious mind as a garden, you as the gardener, plant seeds (thoughts) from your conscious mind into the garden. As with any garden, the dominant seeds planted will produce the dominant plant (thoughts).

The key is believing what you are affirming. Otherwise you plant one seed of thought, but your actual belief will plant another seed of thought, and you will end up with conflicting results. Allow yourself to feel worthy of that which you are affirming. Also, allow for what you are affirming to be possible in your mind. After all until something fails, you cannot know it to be impossible.

Here are a few forms of affirmations.

Writing positive statements that you repeat to yourself.

Creating a vision board with pictures of a desired goal.

Telling others about your goal or desire.

Recording yourself reading your affirmations and listening to your own voice affirming.

Visualizing a desired state or goal.

Your imagination is the only limit to how you can use affirmations. Using them repeatedly will eventually change the thought patterns that you are currently cycling through and causing your depression.

Some will suggest using simple short statements for affirmations. They are easy to remember, and can be done anywhere. Certainly this is a practical technique in a busy world. However, I believe that the more creativity and time you spend on your affirmations, the deeper the impression made upon your subconscious mind. This in turn will yield more effective results.

Using the five personal development techniques I have discussed in this article will go a long way to helping you finally defeat depression and live a positive healthy lifestyle. I recommend that you try these techniques for 45 days. If you follow them day in and day out, I have no doubt you will be much more focused on the positives in life.

In Part 3 of this series I will talk about the action stage. In the meantime, get started right now, going to work on your thoughts. Be awesome!

Defeating Depression Part 1

2009-08-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

The first step in defeating depression is to realize that you are indeed suffering from depression. As with any problem you may face until you acknowledge that you do indeed have a problem, you cannot possibly overcome it. Therefore you must be honest with yourself and determine if you have any of the symptoms that go along with depression. You may also wish to see a doctor, and get their opinion.

If a doctor does diagnose you with depression, it is important to ask questions about the diagnosis. Do they feel it is a chemical imbalance of some form, or simply a state of mind due to unresolved issues? I want to be clear when I say that I am not a doctor, and I know nothing about treating depression that is connected with chemical imbalances. I do however know all about beating depression that stems from unresolved issues. I know, because I have done it, and that is the experience I wish to pass along to you, in hopes that you too, can defeat depression.

So, you are depressed. You realize it and you decide you want to do something to stop this endless feeling of despair. Realize that you have already made the first, and most important step of defeating depression, and living a positive, healthy lifestyle. Celebrate this victory, as it will be the first of many for you on this journey. You have already made the biggest step of all. Congratulations! Now what do you do?

Defeat Depression Drug-Free

Unless your doctor has told you that your depression is a chemical imbalance that absolutely needs medication, then resist the urge to use the many forms of medication available to help you “feel better” day to day. The type of depression I am talking about is a state of mind. This state of mind can be from countless unresolved issues. What is imperative to realize, is that you are going to need a clear mind to fight through this.

Taking drugs of any kind alters your mind, and your body chemistry. Any relief provided by drugs, is temporary. Choosing to simply remain on drugs will only serve to trade your depression for an addiction. Which is a choice you are certainly free to make, that also carries it’s own set of consequences. If you are with me this far, I’m going to assume you have better intentions for yourself.

In order to defeat depression, you are going to want to live consciously. You want to be aware of how you are feeling, so that you can make choices about how to deal with those feelings. What often happens with drug use is that you feel better in the moment, and thus you don’t really deal with the issues that caused the problem in the first place. In order to move forward and gain control over depression, you absolutely need to remain aware and make conscious choices. In doing so you will gain the feedback needed to make any changes in your choices as you progress.

Nobody can make this choice for you. You and you alone must choose to overcome depression without drugs, prescribed or otherwise. However, this choice in itself is an empowering one. By choosing to live consciously through the journey, you gain a sense of not allowing the depression to make the choice for you.

Essentially, you gain a foothold of control back, in your own life. You have decided that you will have control over your thoughts, which will eventually change your feelings and actions. This is a much better position to be in, than to allow your feelings of despair that comes with depression to make your choices for you.

When I decided to come off my prescribed depression medication, I decided to have a talk with my doctor. I told him that I was sick of feeling like a walking zombie. I felt numb to the world around me, and while I did not feel depressed I didn’t really feel much emotion to anything at all. I no longer felt alive. I had gone from simply existing in a state of depression, to existing in a state of indifference.

I told my doctor, that I wanted to be able to feel my feelings again. I did not care if they were difficult feelings, or joyous feelings; I simply wanted to feel something. I told my doctor that I thought I didn’t need to take medication any longer, and that I would be better off without it. To my amazement, he agreed with me! The same man, who had prescribed me medication, was now agreeing that I did not need medication to deal with depression.

My doctor told me something during that meeting that I will never forget. He said that when I had first come to him, I was in despair. I had come into his office overwhelmed by feelings of sadness and had lost my passion for life. I had told him that I needed something to help me deal with these feelings. So he started me on a low dose of anti-depressants. At that point, I thought I needed medication to fight my depression. So he said that’s exactly what he did for me.

Now, there I was some five years later declaring that I thought I did not need medication to fight against depression. Once again, my doctor was working in accordance with my thoughts. What I actually thought I needed, he was going to go along with. He said that generally, it is whether or not a patient does or does not think they need medication that will determine if they actually need medication.

I found this to be remarkable! What I thought was what I needed. In that moment, my doctor was confirming was countless personal development books and articles have been saying all along. It is our through our thoughts that we determine our lives. So if you are in a state of depression, surely your thoughts have led you to that point. What’s more is that if your thoughts have led you there, they can surely lead you away from there.

The key is to remain free of drugs, which will alter your mind and provide a temporary alternate reality. Once the drugs effects wear off, reality will still be there, and you will still have to face it. You can certainly change where you are with your conscious mind. You will simply need to do it with different thoughts than those that caused you the problems in the first place. Embrace your own personal power of liberty. You are free to choose to defeat depression, drug free!

Defeating Depression Introduction

2009-08-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

Depression is a mental health illness affecting approximately 1 in 10 people per year. It is a serious condition that impacts the quality of life in almost every area. Those who suffer from depression often do not know why and this can make it a very difficult illness to overcome. In fact depression can last for years if it is not treated.

Symptoms of depression may include:

Prolonged feelings of sadness or hopelessness

Changes in appetite and weight

Withdrawal from social interaction

Sleeping for abnormal periods and feeling fatigued

Loss of interest in activities and hobbies

Concentration difficulty

Suicidal thoughts

As a person who has suffered from depression in the past, I have a strong desire to see people overcome this illness. I myself was so crippled by depression that at times I would lay in bed for up to 18 hours a day. My thoughts were constantly negative. I became addicted to drugs in attempts to escape the constant despair. I had no feelings of hope, and in fact attempted suicide at one of my lowest points.

My doctor diagnosed me with depression, and I was put on medication to help treat it. However, years of trying different medications were not working, and I was becoming more depressed. Some of the medications actually had negative effects on my everyday life. What’s more, coming off some medications caused serious withdrawal effects.

The road to defeat depression was a long one indeed. Yet, I am here to say that I absolutely did overcome depression. Not only did I overcome the illness, I did it without drugs prescribed by a doctor. I managed to do on my own, in a little under a year, what 5 years of prescribed medication could not.

Today I am absolutely one of the happiest people I know. I wake up early each day, and I am thankful for my life. I am full of energy. I love to go out and try new things, and meet new people. No longer do I simply exist, now I actually enjoy living my life. It is an amazing feeling, and it’s a feeling that I hope to help others who suffer from depression achieve.

So what was the secret that helped me to overcome depression? Well, what worked for me was a process of positive personal development. By growing, and winning personal victories my confidence has grown by leaps and bounds. In this series of articles I am going to share some of the methods I have used and how they have worked for me. It is my intention to inspire and help those who suffer from depression, and give some understanding to those who may know someone who suffers.

Cheer for Positive Change

2009-07-29T12:09:00.000-07:00

The recent news of Michael Vick’s conditional reinstatement into the NFL has caused quite a stir. Public opinion on Vick’s return to the NFL is split it seems. While many fans are happy to have the talented quarterback reinstated, there are many others, including People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), that vehemently oppose Vick being allowed back into the NFL.

For those of you who are not football fans, or perhaps have not heard about this story, I’ll recap. Michael Vick was the quarterback for the Atlanta Flacons. He was talented, and one of the rising young stars in the league. However, in August of 2007, the National Football League suspended Vick, for funding and participating in a dog-fighting ring. Vick himself was involved in the killing and torture of losing dogs.

Now as a dog lover, and animal lover in general, I would like to say that I find what happened more than a little disturbing. I do not condone dog-fighting rings, and I especially do not support the torture and killing of animals.

Be that as it may, Michael Vick was sentenced to a 23-month prison term, which is now over. He has been released, and he has paid his debt to society at large as imposed upon on him by the people society pays to make these decisions. It is time to move forward.

On Monday the NFL conditionally reinstated Vick, and he is free to sign with a NFL team should he find one willing to hire him. He is allowed to participate in practices and the final two pre-season games, however, he is not allowed to play in a regular season game until at least week 6, when the commissioner of the NFL will re-evaluate the situation.

With that announcement has come a wave of public outrage, with PETA leading the charge. Many people seem to feel because of what Vick did, he should no longer be allowed to play professional football. Some feel that these athletes and are role models, and that Vick no longer is able to fill that role.

Look, I understand that what Vick did was wrong. However, I would have to disagree with those who feel Vick should not be allowed to play in the NFL because of his crimes that he has laready served his sentence for. In my view, Michael Vick has an opportunity to be an example of making positive changes, and in doing so become an excellent example for others who have had made poor choices in their past.

I wonder what purpose all of this anger and negative energy really serves? I mean, if you are for animal safety, why not focus your energy on creating safe environments for animals. Perhaps put some time into saving the wetlands so that we don’t lose more species. What I can’t agree with, is condemming this man for all of his existence. What he has done, he has done, and no amount of anger is going to change that reality. Thus, the focus now, should be on how to protect animals in the future from these types of abuse. Not only that but on helping and supporting a man to change his life and make better choices in the future.

What gain is there for society if everytime somebody commits a crime, they are obstucted from ever changing their life for the better, and becoming a valuable member of society? I can see no gain. In fact, if this were to be the case, we would simply release people from prisons, only to have them commit another crime and go back. All that creates is more victims.

Now I realize that there is a high return to prison rate. However, I wonder if society has not created some conditions that make this likely to happen. Stopping a man from working because of a criminal background, means he is going to have to find some alternative way to live. It’s safe to say that unless someone can find a way to live on his own, it will come at another person’s expense.

I for one hope Michael Vick does make it back onto the football field. I also hope that he finds it within himself to make changes to his lifestyle, and become an example of positive change. It is my belief that the world needs more of these examples, if we are to give any hope to the kids that are struggling and perhaps heading down the wrong road today.

With so many people focusing their energy on anger towards this situation, they are only harming themselves, and bringing those around them down. Anger can not change what happened to those dogs. So why feel angry? Why not make your own positive change, and turn your anger into love for the animals and go do something that will make a positive impact on future animal safety?

Personally, I choose to hope for positive change.

You Are Appreciated

2009-07-19T21:11:00.000-07:00

Thank you for being angry with me.
I learned to have understanding.

Thank you for robbing me and leaving me broke.
I learned to find happiness without money.

Thank you for isolating me.
I learned to love myself.

Thank you for turning your back on me.
I learned to handle rejection.

Thank you for the times you made me wait.
I learned to have patience.

Thank you for laughing at me.
I learned to be humble.

Thank you for attempting to control me.
I learned to stand for liberty.

Thank you for leaving me.
I learned to love someone else.

Thank you for the time you yelled at me, and slapped my face.
I learned to have self-control.

Thank you for pushing me down into that hole.
How else would I have learned to climb out of a hole?

Thank you for the time you told me I would not succeed.
You gave me just the push I needed to accomplish my goal.

I appreciate all of you that gave me opportunities to learn. You have been my teachers in this world, and I am grateful to have been your student.

Freedom Fighting

2009-07-14T07:54:00.000-07:00

To live free, is to have complete control over your life. The alternative is to exist in a state where you allow others to take control for you. True happiness can only be found in breaking loose from the chains of restraint, and living in freedom.

Allowing someone else to have control of your life is the same as voluntarily living in prison. Every time you accept someone else making decisions for you, you allow them build another wall in the prison that keeps you locked in. Unless you can be happy living in a prison, where your choices are made for you, you must decide to fight for your freedom. You must decide to be the one in control of the boundaries of your life.

If you are not in control of your life, who is? Better yet, why are they in control of your life? You are the one who must live with the feelings and consequences of the choices made in your life. So it only makes sense that you should be the one making those choices. Freedom is what allows you to control your own life. It is a conscious choice you must make in order to ensure that you are deciding your own experiences, attitudes, and behaviors.

In order to be free, you must be somewhat defiant. You must be willing to stand up for your own beliefs, values, goals, and choices. Your choices may not be the ideal choices for others, but they are certainly the best choices for you. Even if a choice does not produce the desired result, you will have made your own mistake and not someone else’s. This way you are learning lessons, and growing based on what is important to you.

Imagine a goal you have for yourself. Perhaps it is having a fancy sports car, your dream home, or going on an exotic vacation. Whatever your goal, it is yours and it is something you want. If someone were to tell you that you could not have that goal, they are trying to take away your freedom to have your goal. They may not be doing it intentionally, and perhaps they simply do not see a way for you to achieve you goal. However, if you accept what they say, you are surrendering your freedom to them.

Many people have been in a relationship their parents did not approve of. Usually the parent’s intentions are good, as they are simply trying to protect their children. However, they are also attempting to control their children to live in accordance with their ideals. If you listened to your parents and did not have relationships that did not meet their approval, you not only gave up your own freedom, you also very likely were not happy about it.

You see, when you are making your own decisions, you are making your own mistakes, and you are winning your own victories. You are literally growing into the person you want to become, and having the experiences you wish to have based on your decisions. When you are in control of making your own decisions, you can be happy, because at the time you are doing what you want to do. The outcome does not matter.

This is your life, and one day it will end. When it’s all said and done, will you have been a passenger in your own life, or will you have given yourself the freedom to sit behind the steering wheel, and control the gas pedal?

The Values of Goals

2009-07-08T21:28:00.000-07:00

Living our values, and achieving our goals are essential to our happiness. Yet how many people are actually doing both, if either of them?

Simply stated, our values are what are important to us. It could be love, freedom, trust, health or anything else that may be important to you. They are your beliefs about what you need in your life to make you happy.

Alternatively, goals are the things we want. Goals are what drive us to move forward in life. In order to achieve a goal you must move from your present state in order to reach the desired state.

Many people set goals. Which is in itself a positive action. Be that as it may, in order to be successful in achieving your goals, I believe it is essential to find the value that comes from achieving the goal. A goal with no value behind it is an empty goal that will be difficult to obtain.

In order to find the value behind a goal, you will need to ask yourself what it is achieving your goal will get for you. That seems simple, however, you have to continue to ask yourself this question with each answer in order to see a pattern, which will bring you to the core value behind a goal.

I’m going to use a personal example to illustrate this. I have always liked to write. For years I thought I would become an author someday. I didn’t really know what I would write about or how it would come to pass, and I certainly didn’t know what becoming an author would do for me. I simply knew I liked to write.

Years passed by, and I stopped writing altogether for a time. Sometimes I would think I would like to start writing again, and that if I applied myself I could become an author one day. Yet, these thoughts became more and more fleeting. What once had been a goal had become a forgotten dream.

Goals are really dreams in action. For me the dream began to fade, as I had not given it the action steps to move forward. I believe the reason I did not do this for so long, was I did not take the time to understand the value behind my goal. Without seeing the value, it just didn’t seem important enough to put into action.

So what was it that writing would get for me?

It would give me a creative outlet.

What would that get for me?

It would give me a chance to share what was inside of me.

What would that get for me?

It would give me the ability to help others.

What would that get for me?

It would give me a feeling of inspiration.

What would that get for me?

It would give me confidence to creatively communicate.

What would that get for me?

It would give me the ability influence others.

What I see when I look at these questions and answers, is that for me, the core value was communication. I had a strong need to connect with others. Writing was simply an outlet for me to live my value.

In order for me to achieve my goal of becoming an author, I needed to realize the core value of communication.

What happens when you realize the value behind a goal is you can then begin to live in accordance with your value, which will set you on the proper path towards achieving your goal. If your follow your value, you will ensure that you achieve your goal in a satisfactory way.

What I realized by becoming aware of the core value of communication, was that I needed to stop thinking about becoming a writer, and start writing. How could I possibly communicate, if I did not write?

In fact, it was that very question, which led me to become aware that I would like to also become a professional speaker one day. That was another goal, which was set with the value of communication behind it.

By realizing the value, I created this blog, and I joined groups on the Internet that had other bloggers with similar interests. I began communicating with them (living my value) and learning from them. These steps have led me to becoming an author of this blog, and I am now in the process of finalizing the editing stage of my first ever ebook (more details on that coming soon).

If you are having problems achieving goals you have set for yourself, I encourage you to figure out the value behind the goal. By knowing the value you will be able to satisfy your inner needs, and keep yourself motivated to achieve your goals.

Meditation for Focus

2009-07-01T14:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you felt as though your thoughts were scattered all over the place? No matter how hard you try to focus yourself on the task at hand, you simply can’t stop seemingly random thoughts from popping into your head. You can’t seem to get yourself into a project that you were previously enjoying and doing effortlessly.

I think everyone can relate to having one of those days. Your thoughts are continuous one after another, all seemingly with no real connection or meaning. This type of experience can be frustrating. You can be left feeling out of control, and certainly for those of us who like to remain in conscious control of our thoughts this can be very confusing.

If you are like me, when you have these experiences, you not only want them to stop but also to know why it is occurring. Is there a connection to these thoughts? Perhaps a hidden meaning your subconscious mind is trying to reveal?

When I recently had one of those days, in an attempt to better understand these seemingly random thoughts I decided to write them down. I reasoned that if I made a list of these thoughts I may be able to find the connection or meaning. For almost a full hour I simply wrote down everything that was popping into my head.

When I had finished writing my thoughts, I took some time to study the list. I came to realize that I had not come any closer to finding any real connection or meaning in the thoughts. I had simply produced a rather long list of seemingly random thoughts. Sure there were some interesting thoughts, but they certainly didn’t relate to the article I wanted to focus my attention on.

Realizing that this approach had not solved my problem of not being able to focus my thoughts and energy, I found myself back at square one. I needed to try a different approach. I decided I would meditate on this issue and ask my intuition to guide me. Certainly at a conscious level I was unable to understand what was happening.

I sat back in my chair and I closed my eyes. I asked my intuition to help me understand why I was having all of these random thoughts, and sort them out for me so I could regain my focus on my article. I then simply let my mind drift wherever it wanted to go for a while.

My thoughts again started racing. I noticed the sound of a lawnmower outside of my window. I could hear the sounds of children laughing and yelling, and a dog barking. I brought myself back to my article, and whispered the word “focus” in my mind.

Again I let my mind wander. I thought of the spaghetti sauce I had made the night before that needed more garlic. Then about the squirrels that lived in the tree in my back yard. I could see them chasing each other around the massive trunk. Then thoughts of a date I had years ago with an old girlfriend. Slowly I brought myself back to the article, again whispering the word “focus” in my mind.

This continued over and over for almost twenty minutes. Then as I came back to focus on my article again, I began to see a thin, gold wavy line of energy moving continuously upward. Again I mentally whispered the word “focus”.

I was now able to sustain the focus on my mind on this perpetual line of energy flowing behind my closed eyes. Nothing else at that point was apparent. My mind was quiet now. This focused state lasted maybe 10 minutes before I slowly brought myself back to consciousness.

As I did come back into consciousness I felt disorientated. I had to familiarize myself with my surroundings again. It was not unlike the feeling after awakening from a deep sleep and not knowing where you are for a moment.

I then tried to see if now I could get a meaning from all of those seemingly random thoughts I was having in the first place. Yet nothing seemed to present itself. It was as if they were simply gone.

Had I released the thoughts from my mind in the flowing line of energy I had seen in my mind? That didn’t seem to be a reasonable explanation as I could still remember what many of those thoughts were.

It seemed to me, that perhaps there was no real connection or meaning behind these thoughts at all. I decided that it was completely reasonable that I had simply been overanalyzing the situation.

I came to the conclusion that my mind simply needed some time to properly absorb all of the information in my conscious mind, into my subconscious mind. By trying to force myself to focus on my article I was only adding more thoughts, and feelings for my mind to digest.

Taking a half hour to meditate cleared my mind and allowed me to refocus on my article. Perhaps the real lesson was that sometimes we need to slow down in order to move ahead.

The Most Important Positive Relationship

2009-06-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

What is a relationship?

A relationship could be defined as a bond or connection between people.

Relationships can take many forms, such as family, business, friendships, or perhaps a romantic partner. However, the most important positive relationship is the one you have with yourself.

Many times people say they want to find someone who will treat them with love and respect. Certainly it is fine to wish to be treated this way. Be that as it may, the qualities you wish find in a relationship with others, must first be the qualities you have in your relationship with yourself.

You simply can’t put the responsibility of feeling good about yourself onto someone else. If you are not treating yourself with love and respect, how can you expect to attract someone who will treat you that way?

Increasingly, people tend to look to their relationships to find purpose or meaning for their lives. Yet your purpose, and the purpose of others, is personal thoughts and ideas based on each person’s beliefs about what is needed for fulfillment. Therefore, you must look inside at your own beliefs, values, and goals to determine if you are living on purpose, or with meaning.

The reason you can’t look to others to fulfill your sense of purpose or meaning in life, is that they have to fulfill their own purpose. If they give that up to try to provide your life with purpose, they will be sacrificing themselves. Sacrifice eventually leads to resentment, when someone realizes their own personal needs are not being met.

Giving the best of you to others is a great path to fulfillment. This is called service, as opposed to sacrifice. It is the difference between giving of yourself, and giving up on yourself.

The act of service itself should require that you take care of yourself first. Until you are able to treat yourself with love and respect, you can not give love and respect to others. It simply is not in you to give at that point.

For example, one year ago today I wrote my first affirmation called Believe!

I was in the early stages of some serious personal development. I was beginning to see that perception is reality. I had looked at my life, and saw what it was, and what I wanted it to be. I wrote that affirmation as a tool to remind me what I believed in, and what was important to me.

Although I was able to write that affirmation, I also needed to read it many times each day to keep myself on course. One year ago, I did not yet have the resources developed inside of me, so that I could do what I am doing today by writing this article to help others.

It has been a personal growth process to get to this point, and by no means is it finished. Nor will it ever be. However, at this stage of the process, I now treat myself with love and respect, and I have developed some clarity about who I am.

It is the process of developing that positive relationship with yourself, which allows you to align your beliefs, values and goals. It is then that you can identify your strengths and talents that allow you to truly be of service to others.

So how do you have such a positive relationship with yourself, that you can in turn have this type of relationship with others?

What I am going to suggest is that you think hard about exactly what a great relationship with someone else would look like. Write out a list of values you would like to see from someone else.

Would the other person treat you with love, and respect?

Would they be honest and loyal?

Would they give you the freedom and support to achieve your goals and dreams?

Once you have your list, envision what it would be like to be with this person. How would this relationship make you feel? What would this type of relationship do for your life?

Now you can see what values you want to have in this relationship, and the benefits of this type of relationship. At this point, you need to realize these are the exact things you need to have in order within yourself.

You must absolutely treat yourself, the way you wish for others to treat you!

Think of it this way. If someone truly loved and respected themselves, would they ever enter into a relationship with someone who would attempt to walk all over them? Not a chance!

Alternatively, would someone who is manipulative and controlling attempt to enter into a relationship with someone who was strong, loving, and independent? Or would they be more attracted to someone who was insecure?

When you treat yourself with love and respect, you will expect others to treat you this way, and behave accordingly. People will have to adjust the way they treat you, based on how you treat yourself.

You need to be honest with yourself about where you are now. It may not be where you want to be, but that’s alright. Realize that you have done the best you could with the knowledge you have had up until this point. Don't waste time beating yourself up. Instead get to work developing the most important relationship. The relationship with yourself!

Out of the Comfort Zone

2009-06-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

I would like to share with you another experience I had recently, where I was able to open up out of my comfort zone. Sometimes this can be difficult because when we are out of our comfort zone we do not know what will happen, and that can cause feelings of fear. However, as I talked about in my last article Overcoming Fear, when we step out of our comfort zone and face our fear we are able to grow.

Last week I was attending a seminar for a course on healthy relationships. Our group is led by two instructors, who have been there for each class. On this particular week, one of the instructors was off sick and a replacement had come to speak.

Normally the classes are very involved with discussion between the students and facilitators. There is a real feeling of openness and respect among all. Everybody gets a chance to speak.

This new instructor had a completely different style. He was loud, he did all the talking, and he was very dramatic with his demonstrations. Within the first few minutes he asked someone with their arm up to wait until he had finished.

I noticed that I felt uncomfortable. This was not the way things normally worked. Usually we had discussion and lots of feedback. What was happening on this night was a lecture. In fact, at that point, I found it to be a very condescending lecture. The dramatics just seemed unnecessary.

I began using some negative self talk. I thought there was no way I was going to get anything out of this class. I thought about excusing myself for the night. I even decided in that few minutes that I didn’t like this guy.

I took a deep breath, and looked across the room at the other students to see how they were reacting to the new instructor. What I noticed was many were deeply engaged. His style was really working for them.

Again I took a deep breath, and I closed my eyes for a moment. I told myself that I needed to be open getting whatever it was that I could from this man’s message. It did not matter if I liked his style, I was there to learn.

So I opened my mind and focused. Strangely as I listened to the instructor for a while, I began to see how he was using the dramatics to really leave an impression on his audience. I don’t think I would want to use that style, but it was really working for him. What’s more, I was opening up to a different perspective of the topic.

By the end of the class, I realized that I had actually enjoyed it. It was different than what I was used to, but I definitely learned a lot. I also grew by consciously realizing my own negative self talk, and opening myself up even though I was out of my comfort zone.

After I left the class, I spoke with a few of the other students. They this new instructor was just great. They really enjoyed his style, and felt they had got more out of this particular class than any other. I didn’t feel that strongly, but it was interesting to hear them say this.

I’m sure glad now, that I didn’t decide to leave that class.

Overcoming Fear

2009-06-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

We have all felt fear. Fear of speaking, fear of dying, or perhaps fear of asking someone out on a date. It is a common obstacle in our lives. However, it is this very obstacle that gives us an opportunity to grow each time we face it.

Fear is based on control. People fear the unknown, or rather, what they think about the unknown. When we give up pursuing a goal out of fear, we give up control to a thought about what that process is going to look like. When we use fear on others to obtain a goal, we do so because we fear that without that control, we may not be able to get that which we seek.

Fear holds all of us back from growth, at one time or another. You see change is growth. So in order for us to change and subsequently grow, we must step into our fears. This means, we must challenge the way we think about the things that we fear.

Fear is always based on something that has yet to happen. So it is only logical that it is only the thought about something that is yet to happen, which is actually causing our fears. By asking ourselves questions about our thoughts, we can identify our belief that is causing the fear.

I want to share with you a personal example of how I faced one of my fears.

I have often thought about doing modelling. In fact that thought has been presented to me by others over the years as well. I am aware that I am considered attractive by many, and I make a conscious effort to look good.

Yet, each time I have had an opportunity to attend casting calls or meet photographers, I have declined. I was afraid. Something was holding me back from doing something that I actually thought I may be good at.

I have worked very hard on my personal growth for the past year. I have made it a point to take an opportunity to grow whenever it presents itself. I am conscious of my opportunities and my choice. I was beginning to think I was mastering this whole personal growth idea. That was until I saw a positing for an open casting call this past week at the library.

I began to think about what it would be like to attend the casting call. It was then that I realized that life was presenting me another opportunity for growth.

I thought at thirty three, I am too old to be trying to become a model. I thought there are so many good looking people in the world why would they want me. I thought I have no experience modelling. Instantly my mind flooded with familiar negative thoughts that caused me to fear attending the casting call.

This time though I knew I was being given a chance to grow. I knew I had to do this for myself. I walked to a nearby park and sat on a bench along the river and really thought hard about what was causing me so much fear.
At thirty three, was I really too old to be a model? The poster did not say anything about looking for a certain age group. Also, I look young for my age. I am often told I only look twenty five. So this was not what was causing me enough fear to not try.

Now there was the issue of there being a lot of other good looking people who may also try. Fair enough, but each agency is after a different look depending on what they are shooting for.

How could I know for certain, that my look was not going to be right unless I tried? In fact I was sure many people who attend these casting calls wonder the same thing, but if nobody attended these events, there would be no models. I could not accept this fear as an acceptable reason not to attend.

Now there was the issue of not having experience. This was easy to dismiss as irrelevant. The poster stated in bold letters that no experience was needed.

So what then could be causing me so much fear about this situation in my life? I began to think more about this as I looked out across the river. Images flashed through my mind of being laughed at by others. I envisioned the photographers having to politely tell me that they didn’t need any shots of me, and that I was not what they were looking for.

It was then that I realized what it was that I was actually afraid of. I was afraid of rejection! Now I was excited. I had discovered the root of my fear. Now I had a chance to actually overcome my fear and grow as a person. This was important to me.

I did not want to miss this opportunity. So I asked myself what was the worst thing that would happen if I was not selected? Would I really be laughed at? Doubtful, this was not a primary school yard after all.

The reality was, that the only risk I had was hurting my own pride. Pride itself can create its own set of problems as I have learned in my life. I was not going to allow that to happen this time.

I decided that I could only gain from this. By attending the casting call, I was facing my fear of rejection and that was a change for me. That change was going to allow me to grow, by experiencing something I would not have if I did not face my fear. I was going to that casting call.

That casting call was yesterday. I am not going to lie; I had a lot of nervous energy. I was out of my comfort zone, and did not know what to expect. I took a few deep breaths and told myself I deserved this opportunity as I walked into the building.

As I approached the area sectioned off for photos, a lady walked up to me hand outstretched with a warm inviting smile. She asked me if I was there for the casting call and I smiled brightly and announced that I was indeed. We shook hands and she led me to a table to fill out some basic information.

I chatted easily with her and the other two photographers as I filled out the paperwork. They began by asking if I would be interested in posing for sports shots such as golf or running ads. I said I would be interested and had been involved with sports most of my life. They told me I had that athletic look.

I posed for a couple of pictures before the one photographer asked me to pose as if I was celebrating. He wanted me to act as if I were Sidney Crosby and just won the Stanley Cup. I stopped and looked at him somewhat shocked. I said, “Wow that’s a sore spot. I’m a Red Wings fan”. We all started laughing, and then the cameras started clicking. The photographer then said. “Well we have the laughing shots anyway”.

I finished off the shoot, and they told me they would be in contact if I was selected. I shook hands with them all and left. In all the experience lasted fifteen to twenty minutes.

The feeling I had as I left was amazing. I noticed I was smiling ear to ear. I felt euphoric. In fact I felt like I had won something. I noticed then, in that moment, I had truly faced my fear and grown.

The experience turned out to be a lot of fun, and confidence boosting. Not only that, I was not worried if I was ever going to hear from then again at all. If I do, and I am selected, great! What was important to me was facing my fear and growing.

I encourage everyone to challenge your thoughts about your fears. Get to the root of what it is you really fear. Realize that your fear is only your thoughts about the actual situation, because it has not actually happened yet. Empower yourself to be in control of your own life and not allow fear to have control.

In facing our fears we can find some of our biggest opportunities for personal growth.

Positive Affirmation for You!

2009-06-11T08:23:00.000-07:00

I want you to know, that it is all possible.
Your goals, your hopes, and your dreams.
It is certainly all possible.
Your awareness is expanding.
Your mind is open.
You believe that it is all possible.

I want you to know that you are capable.
Your goals, your hopes, and your dreams.
You can achieve them all.
You are able to achieve your desires.
You are challenging old limits, and growing.
You believe you are capable.

I want you to know that you are worthy.
Your goals, your hopes, and your dreams.
You absolutely deserve them all.
You deserve to live the life you want.
You feel worthy of happiness, success, and love.
You believe that you are worthy.

Body, Mind, and Soul Exercise

2009-06-08T12:32:00.000-07:00

As a person who has suffered from depression, and anxiety, I understand the importance of physical exercise as it relates to my mental health. I work out with weights, bands, and exercise balls regularly. I also really enjoy running.

Normally when I run, I turn on my mp3 player, and focus on my breathing, my stride, and the music. I try to just run, and let go of everything else going on in my life at the time. My most recent run brought about a whole new focus.

There is a beautiful park near where I live. There is a large pond at the entrance. It is surrounded by flower beds, and a large wooded area. There is a creek that runs into the pond, as well as a bike and walking path that runs for 5 kilometres beside the creek.

There are some very picturesque areas, and wetlands along the trail. However, on this day as I was running, I began to notice even more beauty on the trail. There was more than the natural beauty, there was a real positive energy surrounding me.

I began to notice the other people on the trail.

There was a young couple holding hands, and walking a handsome black and white boxer. They smiled at me as I ran by them, and I returned the smile.

A little further along there were 3 older ladies running towards me on the other side of the path. They too, all smiled and nodded at me. I smiled back and felt the positive energy exchange.

There was another young couple standing along the creek. They were bent over looking at some flowers. The young man picked a big yellow flower for the girl who began laughing as she embraced him.

There was a mother and father who were biking. Both had child seats attached to their bikes. On the back of both, were wide eyed, smiling toddlers waving at me as they passed. Again I smiled and waved back, and felt the energy flow.

There were the yellow and black labs chasing each other by the pond. The black lab tripped as he ran and rolled into the flower bed. He got up, sneezed, and went right on playing with his friend.

There was a mother and daughter strolling casually. They were holding hands and engaged in conversation. Another nod and smile from both as I ran along, and I again I returned the smile.

In fact, by now I could not stop smiling! I had become a part of an awesome positive energy swell in that environment. The manifestation of that energy was growing with each passing minute. It was a community of joy. Each person and each animal were all interacting with happiness, respect and peace. It was surreal.

I came to the end of my run and began my cool down walk. I thought about how amazing that experience was. Not only did I feel great because of the run itself, but also because of all the small positive interactions surrounding me.

I encourage everyone, especially those who may suffer from mental health issues to get out and run. As you do, take the opportunity to really live in the moment and enjoy your surroundings. Smile at those passing by. Notice the interactions of any animals you may see. Really appreciate the beauty of your surroundings. It is a truly positive experience for your mind, body and soul.

Blog Carnival

2009-06-06T14:02:00.000-07:00

Today, my friend Mina Irfan of The Universe Guru is hosting a blog carnival. The carnival features articles about the Law Of Attraction, Personal development, Personal Growth, Positive Thinking, and Relationships. I encourage everyone to take a look at the great content there.

The Universe Guru Blog Carnival

Journal Entry

2009-06-03T07:29:00.000-07:00

As I wrote my journal entry yesterday, I had to stop and just marvel at how much I have grown in a little over a year. As I shared in my article Perception Is Reality, I was really facing a rough time in my life. Through a determined effort to grow, I have come a long way in a relatively short period of time.

I want to share with you my journal entry from yesterday, in hopes it will inspire and encourage others to realize that we all have the ability to grow, no matter what our current circumstances may be.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

So many things are changing for me. In my personal development, I am becoming much more aware. Not only of my self, but of others, and the world at large. I'm beginning to see where I fit in at this stage of my journey.

I have become very goal focused. I am trying to keep a nice balance of goals, and making sure they are aligned with my values. I'm feeling more fulfilled, and at peace within myself.

In my quest to grow, I am keeping my mind open and absorbing as much knowledge as possible. I find myself learning about new subjects that I had no idea I would be interested in. I'm studying numerology, dream meanings, and buddhism.

I am learning that I do not need to accept any one religion or belief system as the only truth. What is important is from anything I learn is what resonates with me. What I am getting is an amazing number of synchronicities, and that is helping me to know I am on the right path.

I feel like a baby in my personal development stages. Yet it is so exciting because I know there is so much more within me.

I have received some some great support and feedback for my blog. That one idea, has led me to establish some great online relationships. The very fact that it is working, and I am truly inspiring others, gives me such a positive glow.

It feels so good to let my light shine!

Importance Of Positive Relationships

2009-05-30T16:19:00.000-07:00

In our existence on this planet, we are not alone. We are all engaged in relationships, be it with family, friends, co-workers, or anyone else we regularly communicate with. We all must deal with other people.

Communication is the basis of our relationships. Therefore, it is important to have positive communication with others, so that we may have positive relationships.

Our world is full of people at different places in their own personal journey and development. Some people are full of positive energy and passion for life. We want to have communication with these types of people, because they make us feel good.

There are also those people who have a very negative view about life. They complain, blame others, argue and are usually full of self doubt. These people emit such negative energy that it is literally draining for others to be around them.

We need to choose who we build meaningful relationships with carefully. Who we choose to develop relationships with, will affect our own energy either positively or negatively. This is our journey and we do have that power of choice.

Now, I realize we can’t choose our family or co-workers in most cases. However, we can choose the type of communication we will have with others. That is an empowering choice within any relationship.

One of the most difficult things for people to do is walk away from a long standing relationship. Yet, if the relationship is somehow damaging to our own lives, it is imperative that we do walk away.

For years I struggled with relationships. I stayed in abusive, unhealthy personal relationships. I held onto friendships with people who were unhappy, insecure, and like me using drugs as a means to deal with our own inner turmoil.

The effects of these relationships were devastating on my life. My relationships were based on an alternate reality, produced from the temporary feelings created by drug use. My friends and I were communicating by a similar emptiness inside, and a common accepted means for dealing with this, within our social circle.

What kind of communication is that? Negative, and damaging for sure.

The opposite for me, was my work relationships. Within a business structure, I was a natural leader it seemed. I moved up within the companies I worked for very quickly. I managed one small electronics store, and was put in charge of the warehouse for a large department store.

I was motivational, and solution focused. I loved the feeling of accomplishment. I enjoyed helping others grow and learn the business. I set goals, and I felt great when I achieved them.

I was lucky to have a couple of amazing bosses along the way. They taught me a lot about business, and having a positive attitude. I could see how they affected me, and I wanted to do the same for others. They empowered me, and encouraged me, and because of that I had a lot of success.

Unfortunately I allowed my negative social relationships to become more important than my positive work, and family relationships. I chose to stay up at night doing drugs with my friends, and sleeping my days away.

It was my choice. I don’t blame my friends for the problems that came from the lifestyle we were living. I was brining as much negative energy to their lives as they were to mine. Because many of us had been friends for almost twenty years, it was difficult to walk away. We believed we were simply standing by each other. The reality was we were unconsciously destroying each other.

That is why it is so important to be able to walk away from negative relationships, guilt free. It is equally important, to develop our positive relationships. These are the relationships that help us grow and contribute.

Recently, I was dating a woman who at first seemed to really like me. She told me how she loved my positive attitude, and she seemed to be very positive as well. She knew about my past, but told me she saw so much in me.

As we began to spend more time together, I noticed she was acting differently from the person I had started dating. She complained a lot, and always seemed to blame others for any problems she had.

So, I tried to talk with her about what I was noticing and how it made me feel. I explained that I was not attacking her, but I simply was uncomfortable with all the negativity. I asked her what I could do to help her feel more positive.

Well, she chose to see the conversation as an attack on her. She then began to berate me, and tell me I was in no position to judge her, considering my past. In short, she became very abusive towards me.

All of my personal relationships of the past few years had followed this same pattern. There was a great honeymoon period, followed by an unhealthy abusive relationship. At this point, I was ready to break the pattern. I had already learned the lessons this type of relationship had to offer.

So what did I do? I walked away, guilt free!

Truth For Positive Change

2009-05-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

I’d like to start out by saying thank you for the positive feedback on my last entry Perception Is Reality. I noticed some readers were inspired by my honesty, and I am glad, as facing the truth can sometimes be difficult. In this entry I would like to talk more about being honest about our lives.

Our past, is not who we are. It’s an accumulation of experiences that have brought us to where we are now on our journey. As I talked about in Perception Is Reality, we have the power to choose how we see our past, and learn lessons that will help us grow.

In order to properly do this, we must have the courage to be honest about ourselves. The other option is to deny reality. However, that option will not allow us to ever make any positive changes. If we do not perceive a problem, why would we ever attempt to solve it? Denial of the reality of our past, enables us to simply keep doing what we have, and continue getting the same results.

By facing the truth, we can start to make positive changes, because we are aware that there is something that needs to be changed. Now we can begin to learn from our past experiences. These lessons allow us to grow. Also, these lessons are positive and valuable to someone who has yet to learn them.

Facing the truth is essential in order for us to grow. However, admitting the truth to ourselves for personal growth and admitting it to others can be very different. We may be afraid that society may not find us acceptable, and look down on us. This fear of rejection, can present a real obstacle.

The truth is though; there will always be people who are going to judge others negatively. Everybody has some part of their past, that somebody, somewhere, will find unacceptable.

By stepping into my own fear of rejection, and exposing the truth about my life, I empowered myself to achieve my goals. What’s more, I have now opened myself to filter out those who wish to judge me negatively, and begin attracting more positive relationships with people who do find value in my experiences.

I will admit that it was scary for me to post Perception Is Reality. However, these were some of the factors that helped me have the courage to do so.

I wanted to gain the trust of my readers. As a former addict, I know how difficult it can be to trust people. I wanted my readers to know that what I write about comes from my heart.
I wanted to help inspire and encourage others who may be at a low spot in their lives. I felt I had a story that could achieve that.
I wanted to prove that we could change our lives by changing how we perceive our lives. By providing my own real life experience, I was able to show it CAN be done.
I wanted to step into my own fears. I was able to admit the truth to myself and because of that, I was able to grow. Now I wanted to admit the truth to others and continue to grow and achieve my goals.

I could not allow myself to be concerned that some readers would not be open or aware enough to understand, that someone with a past like mine does indeed have something valuable to offer because of those experiences.

I realize I do not own a degree in psychology or addictions counselling (although I do a lot of reading about these subjects). However, I also realized that I do have a degree from life itself, which gives me a great deal of empathy and understanding for those who suffer from addictions, or mental health disorders. I have come to understand that my ability to relate, as well as share my own personal experiences is valuable. Just as a psychology and addictions counselling is valuable.

What if I had not faced the truth about myself? Would I have ever reached this point of awareness? No way! I would not have been able to see my past was not what I wanted any longer. I would not have been able to see the lessons there to be learned, and the new opportunities these lessons opened up for me. Had I not faced the truth about my past, I would not have made the positive changes that have led me to this point.

My hope is that you can see the importance of being honest to ourselves. The truth really will set you free, and empower you on your own journey of life.

Perception Is Reality

2009-05-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

As I woke one morning I found myself laying in a jail cell. My entire body ached. On my left arm was a cast for my two broken fingers and sprained wrist. I could barely roll over to sit up on the bed, as my ribs were also broken.

I sat on the bed trying to shake the cobwebs from sleep the night before. I could hear the sounds of the inmates in the cells on either side of me. One brushing his teeth, and the other singing "ring of fire" by Johnny Cash at the top of his lungs.

I looked around at the pale, white brick walls, and the familiar stainless steel toilet and sink combination. There was also a blue metal desk protruding from the wall, with a metal stool bolted to the ground in front of it. Reality began to sink in, as I was back in prison again.

Unfortunately it wasn't the first time. From the age of ten, I had been in and out of various group homes and jails. Now at thirty two years old, it had been twenty two years of this. Sure there were some good stretches in my life, but I continued to find my way back. It seemed as though I had lost myself somewhere along the way.

The previous year however, was worse than any other I could remember. I had been heavily addicted to cocaine, attempted suicide, lost my job, my girlfriend at the time, and some good friends. I had also been beaten by a group of guys with masks and baseball bats. I was on the run for months from the police for outstanding warrants. Worse than all of that though, my relationship with my son was slipping away.

I took a deep breath and got up from the bed to wash my face. As I looked in the mirror I saw a skeleton of my former self. I had lost twenty five pounds in under a year. I looked like an unshaven ghost. I held up my arm to see the fat, purple and black fingers poking out from the end of my cast and smiled to myself. I used my other hand and splashed some water on my face. Then, I turned and walked the 5 steps to the skinny and barred up window. I looked out at the country land surrounding the prison. The sun was shining, and it was a beautiful day out there.

I sighed deeply, and let the air come out slowly. I felt as though a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt so free! Right there, in that tiny cell I felt free. I thought to myself, finally, the horrors of the past year were over. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe. I was thankfully to be right there in that cell.

I was right then and there, in that moment, that I knew exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I wanted to become a professional speaker and tell my story to others. I wanted to help others who were addicts, or suffered from mental health issues like depression, to avoid going through what I had. I wanted to help others feel as free and happy as I did in that moment. I wanted to share my experiences, and the lessons i had learned.

Right away I got to work. I wrote out some goals for myself. At the time there were only 2. The first was to become a professional speaker, and the second was to write a book. I had always wanted to write a book about my life, and this seemed like a great time to get started. I also made a list of the positives and negatives about my life at that moment. I tried to pull a positive out of every negative on the list. Amazingly I ended up with a list of positives twice as long as negatives. I simply asked myself what positive opportunities could come from my seemingly current negative situation.

I then made a list, of all the positive and supportive people in my life. the list was not very long at that time, however, I knew I was going to need to maintain the positive relationships I did have. I was going to need these people on my journey. So, I immediately began writing letters and making phone calls.

In that one day, I made a choice that led to many other positive choices., that turned my life around, and gave me a real sense of purpose. I chose to be thankfully for all of my challenges I had faced in my past. I chose to perceive them as lessons and opportunities that had brought me to this place of inner peace, and freedom. I chose to see a brighter future.

I spent 4 months in jail, and it has now been almost fourteen months from that day in the cell. I am happier and healthier than I have ever been. I am drug free, and I am making positive strides towards achieving my 2 original goals and many others new ones. One of those new goals was to write a blog for positive inspiration, which you are now reading.

You see, our perception really does become our reality.

ManifestYour Dream

2008-12-10T19:38:00.000-08:00

When you're alone.
When it's quiet.
When you close your eyes.
What is it you dream about?
What is it you see in your mind?
What is it you feel in your soul?
What is that thing you want with all of your heart?
Hold onto that image.
Hold onto those feelings.
Believe you can have your dream.
When you're alone.
When it's quiet.
When you close your eyes.
When you know you can't be happy without your dream.
When you would gladly fight till the death for your dream.
When you can't stop thinking about your dream.
Hold onto that image.
Hold onto those feelings.
Believe you can have your dream.
When you're alone.
When it's quiet.
When you close your eyes.
When fear makes you doubt your dream.
When worry makes you want to give up on your dream.
If you want it bad enough hold onto your dream.
Hold onto that image.
Hold onto those feelings.
Believe you can have your dream.
When you're not alone.
When it's not quiet.
When your eyes are open.
Hold onto your dream and the feelings it brings.
Remember your dream and let your soul sing.
Live your dream and let your thoughts give it wings.
Manifest your dream!

Believe

2008-12-06T18:20:00.000-08:00

I believe.
I believe in karma, and that what I put out comes back.
I believe in taking risks, and not fearing rejection.
I believe in making mistakes, and learning lessons from them.
I believe in forgiveness, for myself and for those who hurt me.
I believe in honesty, for acceptance and for healing.
I believe in wisdom, for growth and for maturity.
I believe in patience, for quality over quantity.
I believe in liberty, for myself and for others.
I believe in loyalty, for trust and for commitment.
I believe in faith, for hope and for guidance.
I believe in love, as the key to unlock all doors.
I believe in the power of my thoughts, to change how I feel.
I believe in the power of my feelings, to change how I act.
I believe in the power of my actions, to change my life.
I believe in me!