Perception Is Reality

As I woke one morning I found myself laying in a jail cell. My entire body ached. On my left arm was a cast for my two broken fingers and sprained wrist. I could barely roll over to sit up on the bed, as my ribs were also broken.

I sat on the bed trying to shake the cobwebs from sleep the night before. I could hear the sounds of the inmates in the cells on either side of me. One brushing his teeth, and the other singing "ring of fire" by Johnny Cash at the top of his lungs.

I looked around at the pale, white brick walls, and the familiar stainless steel toilet and sink combination. There was also a blue metal desk protruding from the wall, with a metal stool bolted to the ground in front of it. Reality began to sink in, as I was back in prison again.

Unfortunately it wasn't the first time. From the age of ten, I had been in and out of various group homes and jails. Now at thirty two years old, it had been twenty two years of this. Sure there were some good stretches in my life, but I continued to find my way back. It seemed as though I had lost myself somewhere along the way.

The previous year however, was worse than any other I could remember. I had been heavily addicted to cocaine, attempted suicide, lost my job, my girlfriend at the time, and some good friends. I had also been beaten by a group of guys with masks and baseball bats. I was on the run for months from the police for outstanding warrants. Worse than all of that though, my relationship with my son was slipping away.

I took a deep breath and got up from the bed to wash my face. As I looked in the mirror I saw a skeleton of my former self. I had lost twenty five pounds in under a year. I looked like an unshaven ghost. I held up my arm to see the fat, purple and black fingers poking out from the end of my cast and smiled to myself. I used my other hand and splashed some water on my face. Then, I turned and walked the 5 steps to the skinny and barred up window. I looked out at the country land surrounding the prison. The sun was shining, and it was a beautiful day out there.

I sighed deeply, and let the air come out slowly. I felt as though a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt so free! Right there, in that tiny cell I felt free. I thought to myself, finally, the horrors of the past year were over. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe. I was thankfully to be right there in that cell.

I was right then and there, in that moment, that I knew exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I wanted to become a professional speaker and tell my story to others. I wanted to help others who were addicts, or suffered from mental health issues like depression, to avoid going through what I had. I wanted to help others feel as free and happy as I did in that moment. I wanted to share my experiences, and the lessons i had learned.

Right away I got to work. I wrote out some goals for myself. At the time there were only 2. The first was to become a professional speaker, and the second was to write a book. I had always wanted to write a book about my life, and this seemed like a great time to get started. I also made a list of the positives and negatives about my life at that moment. I tried to pull a positive out of every negative on the list. Amazingly I ended up with a list of positives twice as long as negatives. I simply asked myself what positive opportunities could come from my seemingly current negative situation.

I then made a list, of all the positive and supportive people in my life. the list was not very long at that time, however, I knew I was going to need to maintain the positive relationships I did have. I was going to need these people on my journey. So, I immediately began writing letters and making phone calls.

In that one day, I made a choice that led to many other positive choices., that turned my life around, and gave me a real sense of purpose. I chose to be thankfully for all of my challenges I had faced in my past. I chose to perceive them as lessons and opportunities that had brought me to this place of inner peace, and freedom. I chose to see a brighter future.

I spent 4 months in jail, and it has now been almost fourteen months from that day in the cell. I am happier and healthier than I have ever been. I am drug free, and I am making positive strides towards achieving my 2 original goals and many others new ones. One of those new goals was to write a blog for positive inspiration, which you are now reading.

You see, our perception really does become our reality.