Saturday, May 30, 2009

Importance Of Positive Relationships

In our existence on this planet, we are not alone. We are all engaged in relationships, be it with family, friends, co-workers, or anyone else we regularly communicate with. We all must deal with other people.

Communication is the basis of our relationships. Therefore, it is important to have positive communication with others, so that we may have positive relationships.

Our world is full of people at different places in their own personal journey and development. Some people are full of positive energy and passion for life. We want to have communication with these types of people, because they make us feel good.

There are also those people who have a very negative view about life. They complain, blame others, argue and are usually full of self doubt. These people emit such negative energy that it is literally draining for others to be around them.

We need to choose who we build meaningful relationships with carefully. Who we choose to develop relationships with, will affect our own energy either positively or negatively. This is our journey and we do have that power of choice.

Now, I realize we can’t choose our family or co-workers in most cases. However, we can choose the type of communication we will have with others. That is an empowering choice within any relationship.

One of the most difficult things for people to do is walk away from a long standing relationship. Yet, if the relationship is somehow damaging to our own lives, it is imperative that we do walk away.

For years I struggled with relationships. I stayed in abusive, unhealthy personal relationships. I held onto friendships with people who were unhappy, insecure, and like me using drugs as a means to deal with our own inner turmoil.

The effects of these relationships were devastating on my life. My relationships were based on an alternate reality, produced from the temporary feelings created by drug use. My friends and I were communicating by a similar emptiness inside, and a common accepted means for dealing with this, within our social circle.

What kind of communication is that? Negative, and damaging for sure.

The opposite for me, was my work relationships. Within a business structure, I was a natural leader it seemed. I moved up within the companies I worked for very quickly. I managed one small electronics store, and was put in charge of the warehouse for a large department store.

I was motivational, and solution focused. I loved the feeling of accomplishment. I enjoyed helping others grow and learn the business. I set goals, and I felt great when I achieved them.

I was lucky to have a couple of amazing bosses along the way. They taught me a lot about business, and having a positive attitude. I could see how they affected me, and I wanted to do the same for others. They empowered me, and encouraged me, and because of that I had a lot of success.

Unfortunately I allowed my negative social relationships to become more important than my positive work, and family relationships. I chose to stay up at night doing drugs with my friends, and sleeping my days away.

It was my choice. I don’t blame my friends for the problems that came from the lifestyle we were living. I was brining as much negative energy to their lives as they were to mine. Because many of us had been friends for almost twenty years, it was difficult to walk away. We believed we were simply standing by each other. The reality was we were unconsciously destroying each other.

That is why it is so important to be able to walk away from negative relationships, guilt free. It is equally important, to develop our positive relationships. These are the relationships that help us grow and contribute.

Recently, I was dating a woman who at first seemed to really like me. She told me how she loved my positive attitude, and she seemed to be very positive as well. She knew about my past, but told me she saw so much in me.

As we began to spend more time together, I noticed she was acting differently from the person I had started dating. She complained a lot, and always seemed to blame others for any problems she had.

So, I tried to talk with her about what I was noticing and how it made me feel. I explained that I was not attacking her, but I simply was uncomfortable with all the negativity. I asked her what I could do to help her feel more positive.

Well, she chose to see the conversation as an attack on her. She then began to berate me, and tell me I was in no position to judge her, considering my past. In short, she became very abusive towards me.

All of my personal relationships of the past few years had followed this same pattern. There was a great honeymoon period, followed by an unhealthy abusive relationship. At this point, I was ready to break the pattern. I had already learned the lessons this type of relationship had to offer.

So what did I do? I walked away, guilt free!


  1. Another great article Robert. It can be very hard for most people to walk away from the people they are in the habit of spending time with, even if those people are bad for them. It is great that you are now in a position to recognize when it is unhealthy for you to be around certain people and the more you recognize this fact the less often you will attract these types of people to you.

  2. Rob,

    Great article. Congrats to you for realizing that negative people can bring you down with them. I agree with Carol, it is very hard to leave or confront these kind of people. I'm glad you found the strength and courage to do so.

    My sister needs to see this article - I will surely forward it to her.

    btw - thanks for the link!

    Mina Irfan

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  4. Excellent Article. It helped me understands relationships better